"blueberry weekday? what the funk is that!?"
I will always remember the day me and my brother snuck into my aunt's house to terrify her with a freddy kreuger mask and a plastic retractable knife...we heard her in the house but wanted to suprise her so we hid in the bathroom.
I stood by the door listening, waiting for our moment to bust out of the door and scare the bujeezus out of her..my brother had the mask on and couldn't hear as well. I thought I heard a mans voice.
oops, she wasn't alone.
after about 10 minutes of listening to her converstation totally not meant for a 13 and14 year old we tried to make an escape. We heard much more than we bargained for and as it got louder in the other room we tried to pry the window open. The window was small so we would have to push and pull eachother out. I lifted it and ended up knocking this cologne over behind me and it broke! I was so sure we were caught after that...but the boots kept-a-knockin and we were safe lol The smell of the cologne took over the small bathroom and made me woozy. I had to sit down for a minute before I puked. My brother picked up the bottle and it read "blueberry weekday". I've heard of Burberry Weekend and I laughed.... I laughed a little louder.... I laughed even louder. Something about the situation and the offbrand cologne was the most hilarious thing everrr. I underestimated just how funny it was and couldn't hold in my pee...yes, I peed on myself which then sent my brother in a loop. We both were cracking the fuxk up! I forgot we were 'hiding' in the bathroom and the fact that we were totally intruding on my aunt and her booty call. The bathroom door swung open and there stood my aunt with nothing but her bra on. My brother who still had on the Freddy mask,tripped backwards into the tub along with the stinky cologne but not before he tossed it into me. (It gave me an excuse for the wet spot on my pants!) I screamed and closed my eyes. I could hear my aunt yell and run into the other room so I darted. I assumed my brother was behind me but I didn't care at that point. I ran home.
I can still remember my dad looking at my horrified face and asked me why I smell like budweiser and wet dog. Before I could answer, my brother came up behind me, Freddy mask in tow and said "I could use a budweiser right about now"lol it was funny coming from a 13 year old.
"It's not beer dad, we just got into a fight with a bottle of blueberry weekday" I told him
"huh!?"
"nevermind".
We never brought that day up to our aunt and neither did she. She guessed our intentions when she saw the Fred Kreugar mask. Two weeks later her house still smelled of that stanky offbrand cologne and it brought back terrible memories...
I guess I chose the name for my personal blog because well... it reminds me of my childhood which is very personal to me. I miss it sooooo much! I grew up too fast. I met the love of my life at 16 and got married at 19. I'm having my first baby at 20. It was too easy back then. I had both of my parents and my family was intact. Now, my mother is living off of cans of spaghettios with a man half her age. She can't afford soap to wash her ass and my dad is in a depression. Totally in a state of dissolution with my mom leaving him and leaving him bankrupt at that with a 12 year girl to take care of. After 23 years of marriage, it's like learning his ABC's all over again. I'm going through one of the most important phases of my life and I don't have my mom to help. Let me elaborate though, I don't have my "old" mom. This new version of her is too hard to deal with. It pains me to see her in such dissaray. This is a woman who loved her kids and would do anything in the world to make them happy...she got hooked on cocaine and possible other hard drugs and left us out to dry. Yes, she just left.
A month goes by....We thought she was dead...Have you ever thought your mother was dead?! Do you know how difficult that was for us to deal with. No phone call, no 'im alive', no I love you i'll be back. Weeks went by and we got a call from jail in June and another call in July...That was it!
It's December now and she's since been out, she lives about 30 minutes away with her 26 year old boyfriend in his moms basement. I'd do anything in this world to get my 'old' mom back. I'd shave my hair and eyebrows off if it meant i'd get her back okay. And boy do I LOVE my hair lol..I tried to regain a new relationship with this new version of her but it's so much pain and dark feelings involved. I can't look at her the same...she isnt the same. She's a habitual liar, a theif, a master manipulator. The drugs ruined her mind. They ruined her life and ours.
With my due date approaching i'm struggling with the fact that she asked me to be in the delivery room and even though i'd want my old mom there it just isn't right! Why should she get to share in this special moment with me and she's done nothing but make this pregnancy terribly sad. She left me when I needed her the most! She left me to take care of my little sister and be a mom to her when I needed a mom my damn self!...The only person who's been a mother to me throughout has been my older sister Erika. If anyone deserves to be there with me it's her.
I can't help but feel like i'm missing out. Like my daughter is getting the short end of the stick because i'm not 'delighted' like I should be. I feel like it's because of my mom and it makes me sooo angry!
Josh has helped me through it but it still isn't the same. Friends don't understand..family tries to understand but we're all dealing with it in our own way and try not to burden eachother with thoughts of this woman who burnt us all in the end.
I have less that 48 hours to make a choice of whether or not to let my mom hold my hand. Its hard. Very hard =(
yes pregnancy has pretty much ruined my social existence. all my non-preggo friends are busy with jobs. yes I said jobs! I quit my very stable position at an ob/gyn because I had a hormonal overload in my first trimester and summed it up to everyone as being 'too sick'. In actuality I just flat out QUIT. I didn't put much thought into it at all...just never went in one day and never bothered to call. I was miserable...Although i'm not 'poor', my shopping sprees have sinced become deceased right along with my soul. I sit at home in pajamas all dayy waiting for my husband to get home so I can bug him with my everyday nothingness.
my daughter will be here in 2 days. 2 freakin days! OMG...I've tried to occupy my time with dusting every crevice in this piece and rearrange her closet only a billion times. Im a nervous wreck. I'm only nervous because of the labor pains i've been dreading since the day I came out of the womb...im scared my vajay will ripped in half and no longer reliable lol I've been asking around to ease my tension but to no avail..
I'm struggling with what type of mom i''ll be. I pray that im nothing like my own...
and with that i'll sign off now. I think thats enough for an extra long introduction.
I'll try to keep up and get a reading base to get me motivated. So stay tuned
I will always remember the day me and my brother snuck into my aunt's house to terrify her with a freddy kreuger mask and a plastic retractable knife...we heard her in the house but wanted to suprise her so we hid in the bathroom.
I stood by the door listening, waiting for our moment to bust out of the door and scare the bujeezus out of her..my brother had the mask on and couldn't hear as well. I thought I heard a mans voice.
oops, she wasn't alone.
after about 10 minutes of listening to her converstation totally not meant for a 13 and14 year old we tried to make an escape. We heard much more than we bargained for and as it got louder in the other room we tried to pry the window open. The window was small so we would have to push and pull eachother out. I lifted it and ended up knocking this cologne over behind me and it broke! I was so sure we were caught after that...but the boots kept-a-knockin and we were safe lol The smell of the cologne took over the small bathroom and made me woozy. I had to sit down for a minute before I puked. My brother picked up the bottle and it read "blueberry weekday". I've heard of Burberry Weekend and I laughed.... I laughed a little louder.... I laughed even louder. Something about the situation and the offbrand cologne was the most hilarious thing everrr. I underestimated just how funny it was and couldn't hold in my pee...yes, I peed on myself which then sent my brother in a loop. We both were cracking the fuxk up! I forgot we were 'hiding' in the bathroom and the fact that we were totally intruding on my aunt and her booty call. The bathroom door swung open and there stood my aunt with nothing but her bra on. My brother who still had on the Freddy mask,tripped backwards into the tub along with the stinky cologne but not before he tossed it into me. (It gave me an excuse for the wet spot on my pants!) I screamed and closed my eyes. I could hear my aunt yell and run into the other room so I darted. I assumed my brother was behind me but I didn't care at that point. I ran home.
I can still remember my dad looking at my horrified face and asked me why I smell like budweiser and wet dog. Before I could answer, my brother came up behind me, Freddy mask in tow and said "I could use a budweiser right about now"lol it was funny coming from a 13 year old.
"It's not beer dad, we just got into a fight with a bottle of blueberry weekday" I told him
"huh!?"
"nevermind".
We never brought that day up to our aunt and neither did she. She guessed our intentions when she saw the Fred Kreugar mask. Two weeks later her house still smelled of that stanky offbrand cologne and it brought back terrible memories...
I guess I chose the name for my personal blog because well... it reminds me of my childhood which is very personal to me. I miss it sooooo much! I grew up too fast. I met the love of my life at 16 and got married at 19. I'm having my first baby at 20. It was too easy back then. I had both of my parents and my family was intact. Now, my mother is living off of cans of spaghettios with a man half her age. She can't afford soap to wash her ass and my dad is in a depression. Totally in a state of dissolution with my mom leaving him and leaving him bankrupt at that with a 12 year girl to take care of. After 23 years of marriage, it's like learning his ABC's all over again. I'm going through one of the most important phases of my life and I don't have my mom to help. Let me elaborate though, I don't have my "old" mom. This new version of her is too hard to deal with. It pains me to see her in such dissaray. This is a woman who loved her kids and would do anything in the world to make them happy...she got hooked on cocaine and possible other hard drugs and left us out to dry. Yes, she just left.
A month goes by....We thought she was dead...Have you ever thought your mother was dead?! Do you know how difficult that was for us to deal with. No phone call, no 'im alive', no I love you i'll be back. Weeks went by and we got a call from jail in June and another call in July...That was it!
It's December now and she's since been out, she lives about 30 minutes away with her 26 year old boyfriend in his moms basement. I'd do anything in this world to get my 'old' mom back. I'd shave my hair and eyebrows off if it meant i'd get her back okay. And boy do I LOVE my hair lol..I tried to regain a new relationship with this new version of her but it's so much pain and dark feelings involved. I can't look at her the same...she isnt the same. She's a habitual liar, a theif, a master manipulator. The drugs ruined her mind. They ruined her life and ours.
With my due date approaching i'm struggling with the fact that she asked me to be in the delivery room and even though i'd want my old mom there it just isn't right! Why should she get to share in this special moment with me and she's done nothing but make this pregnancy terribly sad. She left me when I needed her the most! She left me to take care of my little sister and be a mom to her when I needed a mom my damn self!...The only person who's been a mother to me throughout has been my older sister Erika. If anyone deserves to be there with me it's her.
I can't help but feel like i'm missing out. Like my daughter is getting the short end of the stick because i'm not 'delighted' like I should be. I feel like it's because of my mom and it makes me sooo angry!
Josh has helped me through it but it still isn't the same. Friends don't understand..family tries to understand but we're all dealing with it in our own way and try not to burden eachother with thoughts of this woman who burnt us all in the end.
I have less that 48 hours to make a choice of whether or not to let my mom hold my hand. Its hard. Very hard =(
yes pregnancy has pretty much ruined my social existence. all my non-preggo friends are busy with jobs. yes I said jobs! I quit my very stable position at an ob/gyn because I had a hormonal overload in my first trimester and summed it up to everyone as being 'too sick'. In actuality I just flat out QUIT. I didn't put much thought into it at all...just never went in one day and never bothered to call. I was miserable...Although i'm not 'poor', my shopping sprees have sinced become deceased right along with my soul. I sit at home in pajamas all dayy waiting for my husband to get home so I can bug him with my everyday nothingness.
my daughter will be here in 2 days. 2 freakin days! OMG...I've tried to occupy my time with dusting every crevice in this piece and rearrange her closet only a billion times. Im a nervous wreck. I'm only nervous because of the labor pains i've been dreading since the day I came out of the womb...im scared my vajay will ripped in half and no longer reliable lol I've been asking around to ease my tension but to no avail..
I'm struggling with what type of mom i''ll be. I pray that im nothing like my own...
and with that i'll sign off now. I think thats enough for an extra long introduction.
I'll try to keep up and get a reading base to get me motivated. So stay tuned
Me and my dad...he's the greatest man I know
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