induction

"Gabriella will be here tomorrow! YIKES"

So go in to the hospital tomorrow morning at 6.am to get induced. I keep saying that i'm ready but I am totally not! My hands are sweating just thinking of all the pain i'll be in. Forget the fact of seeing the baby for the first time, i'm sooo stressed about impending pain I might not even care she popped out! That's terrible!

I'm also dreading the whole visitors thing. I want peace and quiet and I want to spend alone time with my newborn before the wave of people make their way in. I think Josh will be offended if I tell him to let his family know, my fam already knows. He'll think i'm trying to keep his family out or something. I just don't want to see anybodies face but my daughter especially right after I exploded my vajay to get her out. I'm entitled to peace and quiet right?..RIGHT!?

On top of the first time mom anxiety, I feel like I hit a brain fart. I don't know what to do first! What comes after that!? What happens when you bring her home? How much am I supposed to feed her? Do I HAVE to let people hold her?!

ehh. my mind is all over today--I think i'll sign out for awhile and take a bubble bath to relax my nerves. I'm a wreck at the moment...maybe i'll update later

edit;=========because im up and nervous as shit
I need a chill pill or something. I won't be able to sleep at allll. I'm sure of it. I go in to have her in a matter of hours..yesss hours! no more counting weeks or days. hourss! fan me please....I feel neurotic right now, pacing back and forth. My hands are producing enough sweat to fill a well. I'll be okay I just know it =/